Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize