there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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