just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize