i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
