STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
