4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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