i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
