well I can't set my house on fire every night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
