i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
