Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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