he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
