Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
