you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
