I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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