i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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