he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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