you didnt know i had herpes?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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