why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
