dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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