Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
