I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
