umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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