there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
