i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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