I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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