I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
