Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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