I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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