the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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