watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
