youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
