She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
