alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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