If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize