He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
