Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
love makes seman taste better
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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