U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
