We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize