Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
