I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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