I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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