Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
