Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize