I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
