Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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