Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
