UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
