i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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