I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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