Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
