we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
