Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
