Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
