the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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