yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bring money and cleavage
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
