our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
