Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
