You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
