my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
