Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and she was petting her beer can
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
