So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
