drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
