On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
