i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I deserve this hangover.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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