He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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