We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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