Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
