Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
