My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
