Will you blow on my dice?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
